There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
