idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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