in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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