I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
