Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
