my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
