drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
