Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
