Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
