I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
kristin has been a bad kristin
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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