my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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