he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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