Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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