the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
