I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
