i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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