My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
