I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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