Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
