I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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