The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
