I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
