dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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