There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
