We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
