Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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