Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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