i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
