So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
