The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
