i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
