just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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