Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
