I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
