im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
