She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Boobs are out for the taking
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
