so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
