bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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