remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
