Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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