so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
