I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
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Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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