i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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