I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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