when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
