I think my vagina is haunted
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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