i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
