Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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