he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
