Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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