Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
