He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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