I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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