yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
