That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
