just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
