I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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