Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
