Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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