so explain again why im purple
no
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
