Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
