first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
