Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
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im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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