I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
