i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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