What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
