I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
