office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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