I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize