loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need water and some morals
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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