dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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