I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
