Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
